A Season of Hope

Christmastime can sometimes seem like a whole lot of hustle and bustle. It can be stressful trying to figure out who to buy what and when to go where. Some are struggling with missing their family that may have passed away earlier in the year and some may be going through an illness.

The beautiful thing for Christians is that if we remember the true meaning of Christmas we can find hope even in the darkest days. For Christians, Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. Jesus, God's Son, was born in a manger. He lived a life faced with every temptation we are faced with here on earth and did not sin. He then died a horrible death on a cross in order to be the perfect sacrifice for our sin. Now if we believe in Him and ask for forgiveness for our sins we can have an intimate relationship with God and have a home in Heaven when we die.

The celebration of Christ's birth is the story of hope. It is everything to me. I hope that each of you get to share Christ's love with someone this holiday season. Remember everyone may not have the hope you hold inside. Share Christ's love with others always.

We celebrated Christmas this Saturday at kids club. It was our last time to meet for the year. We thank God for the blessings these kids bring to the world and pray that he will use them for His glory! We will be home for a few weeks for our vacation. We wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

 We made Christmas ornaments

 Playing musical chairs

 Building Christmas trees with cups

 Decorated Gingerbread cookies for snack

JOY to the world!

Obeying and Waiting

Since my last post we have started the kids club. We actually heard from one of the places we contacted about having the club at a few days after my last post. They asked us to come meet with them. When we met with them they had already decided to rent the building to us they just wanted us to tour the facilities. It is a day care in a close by neighborhood. We were very excited and started meeting the first Saturday in October. We had about 11 kids registered and have had attendance of 7-9 kids each time. We meet every first and third Saturday during the school year.

We are enjoying learning how to run a kids program ourselves and love working with the kids. Most, if not all, of the kids are American but we are hopeful that with time God will send more Estonian kids too. We just have to trust and wait for Him on that.

We also have been praying about how to help other missionaries in our area. We felt from prayer that it would be better to come together and work together for kids outreach in the area. We are still working out details but we have agreed to help with once a quarter events during school breaks here for a kids day and to help with their summer camp in June. They have been here in Estonia since we were here the first time and we have known them since then. They just started a church in the area we are in around the time we started our small group in the area so it makes sense to help each other out and support one another. We already helped them with the first school break kids day of the year and eleven kids came.

Estonia can be a very difficult place to be as a foreigner. Often we feel alone. We get discouraged and confused at times as to why we are here. But we know God has a plan and even though we may not see it at the moment, we must continue to trust Him and wait on Him. We just simply want to be used by Him.

Right now we have the kids in events at the schools here. Elaina and Braeden take ceramics at a European school. Lorelei is taking dance at an Estonian school. Kayla was going to youth group and becoming familiar with it but then they abruptly stopped meeting. This was discouraging but she is babysitting for friends of ours and we hope to find an activity she will enjoy to enroll her in in the spring. We are still having small group and the kids club and just waiting for growth.

Waiting can be one of the most difficult things. But God grows us and strengthens us during the time we wait. Sometimes it seems like the vision God gave us in coming here just is not going to happen. That may be, but God can do anything and we must be obedient to do what He asks us to do and then let Him be responsible for the results. Honestly I don't know right now what we are here for, but God does and He will reveal that to us. It may be something totally different than we imagined too. So now we just pray and pray continually for God to show us how He wants to use us here and how to show His love to others. Please pray with us!!

We love you and thank you for your prayers and support! We are looking forward to being home in December for a few weeks for our vacation for renewal and family time!

 Kayla turned 14!! She wanted cherry cheesecake so that's just what she got!

 First Kids club meeting learning about God Made Everything

 Singing Making Melodies in My Heart

 Adam and Eve craft

 Game time!

There is a sledding hill close by our house. We took the kids sledding and they had a blast!

We had about a foot of snow for a few weeks but it is melting now. This is the view from our front window.

Thy Will Be Done

Well we're wrapping up summer here. We were blessed to have Justin's dad and step mom visit us here for a few weeks in August. It was good to have time with them. The kids enjoyed being with their Pepaw and Grandma and Justin and I enjoyed them too! We were able to do most things we had planned but the girls got sick after a day trip to Finland and that made us unable to go to Sweden with them. Luckily we were able to transfer the trip to Sweden to a later time in the year but we still felt bad his parents did not get to go. We did take them to other sites in Tallinn and to a city on one of the islands here - Kuressaare. Overall I think they had a great time and we enjoyed it too.

The kids with Pepaw and Grandma at the castle in Kuressaare

Us in Kuressaare

The girls made a friend on the boat on the way to Finland and the child's mom asked us if we could meet once or twice a month for her daughter to play with the girls and learn English! This folks was a huge answer to prayer! I have been praying specifically for each child to have at least one friend here. So praise to God for answered prayer. They have already come and played once and I'm sure they will play many more times.

We have just been enjoying the summer together and planning for future ministry. We had the opportunity to be a part of a community event and felt it was a good idea to have a booth for the church there and give out free water, juice, and church info. The weather when registering for the event was warm and sunny. The day of the event however was stormy, cold, and windy. Oh how I prayed most of the night prior to the event for God to make it a good day. I felt His presence saying to me that even if it was not a good weather day to still do as He asked. The song "Thy Will Be Done" kept playing over and over in my head. That morning the weather was okay, not good but not too bad. We decided to go out and set up. As soon as we got set up our tent blew away with a big gust of wind. We quickly got it set back up. We decided to make the most of it and stay as long as we could. The weather continued to decline. There was not much traffic at the event from consumers but the vendors noticed us there. They had this look like, "Why are these people out here, in this weather, giving away something for free?" One vendor came and looked at our booth and our church info. He also asked us if everything was free and we said yes. He just smiled and went on to the next booth. We literally stood there holding down the booth against the winds for about four hours. At that point many were leaving so we decided to leave as well. We did not give away one water or juice.

Our booth at the Fair Day

The signs we made for the Fair Day and future events

At first I was so disappointed about the event. So much excitement and planning and nothing to show. With time God showed me that just by being obedient and showing up He had the results He wanted. Others saw us there and we learned many things. One, we need a commercial grade tent for events like that. Two, events like that do bring in a lot of people if the weather is good and make a presence of the church in the community. Three, total dependence on God does not always have the results I expect and that's okay.

The kids playing gaga ball at the church camp

We have also been praying and planning the kids club for some time now. Without going into too many details we have explored a few options about place, timing, & partnerships with the club. None of these options have seemed to be an open door right now. This has been something we do not want to rush and I have been feeling God tell us to wait on His timing for this. That is very hard because we both know God has given us a clear vision for the club and how to do it. But He has not given us the vision for exactly where to do it or when. So we wait...And I'm reminded again of the song I mentioned earlier. Particularly the chorus which goes like this, "I know you hear me, I know you see me Lord, Your plans are for me, Goodness you have in store, So, Thy will be done."

It can be hard to wait when you are so ready to get started and going but sometimes a closed door means God has something so much better in store!

Our prayer requests  would be for us to be continually drawn closer to God and be willing to listen and hear His voice of direction, For the kids for the school year which we will start next week. For upcoming opportunities for the kids to get into extracurricular activities. For my language test which is this Sunday! I'm nervous but ready. For on-going growth with the small group and ministry in general here. We love you and miss you all! We are grateful for your support.

Summer Fun

The kids finished up their year in school. Kayla finished her eighth grade year, Braeden his fifth grade year, and Ellie finished first grade. All of them did very well and we are very proud of them. Next year we will be switching to a different program. This program is the one we used for reading with Ellie this year and uses work books. This program is accredited so that Kayla can start high school and graduate from there. We have prayed about this decision and feel that is is best for all of them.

Our language test results came through. We both passed!! I am still studying for the higher level test I will take in September. Justin took the higher level test. Our instructor was pleased with our results and we will have a break this summer and start up language school again at the end of August to prepare for my test.

Family Day went smoothly. We had two families attend. One is the family that is part of our small group. The other was a new family. They seemed to have a good time. They seemed interested in the small group but have not come yet. We will continue to grow that relationship and pray for God's blessing.

I have to admit, after the family day I was a little discouraged. We knew that ministry is slow here but I still had high hopes. We did have some logistical problems with advertising that we know now how to overcome and we did have a good time visiting with the families there. If there were more families it may have not been feasible to have the quality of time we did have. Through prayer and Bible reading God made it clear that we are called to be obedient to what He asks us to do. He alone is in charge of the results. What a freeing realization that can be.

Though it is tough to see the slow growth here and easy to compare to others in warmer regions where they have fast results, we know God called us here and wants to minister to His people here through us. We are continuing to plan for the kids club in the fall this year and praying for other opportunities.

We were reading and ran across an interesting statement: If your church died tomorrow would anyone notice? This got us thinking. Right now no, probably not. The book was focusing on serving others and through that God using that service to bring others to Him. It has been weighing on our hearts to find ways to serve others here as a family and also as a part of our small group. We are praying for God's guidance on this as it can be a daunting task and take up much time if not focused on what He truly wants us to do. Would you pray with us for this? More than anything we just want to be used by God. We are here and ready to serve.

We hope to get the kids involved in activities this fall which hopefully will help them make friends and meet others. Please pray for this. I pray every night that God would place one friend at least in each of our kids lives here. It is very important for them to have friends. They are growing so fast and play well together, but I know they miss their friends and would love to have some here. I cannot believe this coming year I will have a ninth grader, sixth grader, and second grader! This mom feels old!

Thank you for your prayers and support! We love and miss you all!

 The kids at the Family day

 Kayla did face painting

 We had four games: bowling, golf, ring toss and throw the ball in the bucket. We also had face painting  craft and balloon animals

 The 23rd was the celebration of the summer solstice here called Jaanipäev. We went out to the neighborhood celebration and met up with some fellow missionaries here.

 They light a big bonfire.

People sit around and have a picnic, play, dance to music etc... Here the kids are waiting for the fire to be lit. Believe it or not it is about nine o'clock in these pictures. This was the longest day of the year. From here on out the days will get shorter. 

Choosing Light Amidst Darkness

The last month has flown by. Our language tests went well, we think. We will not get the scores till the beginning of June. The kids have two more weeks of school and then we will have summer break. Our family day event is next Saturday and we have been preparing a craft and games for that.

As we move closer to the event it has been exciting but also a little scary. Sometimes I think "What if no one shows up?" I know it sounds ridiculous, but that thought creeps in sometimes. Then I am reminded that we must be faithful and do what God has called us to do and let Him handle the rest. While advertising for the event we used Facebook for the first time to advertise. We had a moment there where we got some bad responses and then even a whole post about whether or not events such as ours and another churches should be allowed to be held in public places such as schools or culture centers here. It really struck us as odd at first that many were making a big deal.  Our event is being held at the culture center, which is rented to individuals or businesses for events, classes, etc. It was only mentioned as part of the original post and never really talked about in the comments. The school was the major issue it seemed. Sadly, a church had to move to a new location because of this.

At first when all of this was happening we were discouraged. It made us wonder "Why are we doing this?" Then we were quickly reminded that we are in one of Satan's strongholds. Why should we listen to the thoughts of a few instead of listening to Him who called us to be here? We prayed for the other church and they quickly found a new place of worship. God is faithful my friends! We have continually sought God and His wisdom and as of now we have not heard anything more of it being a problem to meet at the culture center. Our event is next Saturday so please be in prayer for that. Also be in prayer as we move forward to starting the kid's club there in the fall.

Our small group continues to go well. I am enjoying getting to know our friends. I am grateful God put them in our lives. They are a blessing to us. Please pray as we continue to seek God's guidance for when and how to hold information meetings about the small group.

Home life seems so much different to me this time. I am used to having a little one to care for and take up much of my time when I'm home. I'm also used to working. The kids are older now and don't need me as much. They play well together and then we have a teenager as well! Yikes! It's given me too much time, I think, to dwell on my mistakes and lack of skills as a mom. I have been listening to the lies that I'm nothing now that I'm not a nurse anymore, I will never be a good mother, I am not a good teacher, I am not enough..and the list can go on and on. I let those lies creep in my heart and it just makes me feel miserable. I began looking and searching for an online job in nursing. I really enjoyed nursing and was pretty good at it. I worked so hard for my degree and loved my job. Surely I could find something right? Nope. Pretty much you have to live in America even to work online as a nurse at least from what I found. While looking for jobs and getting discouraged and down at every turn, I was exhausted mentally. God kept whispering in my heart that I have this time to focus on Him and grow with Him and through Him He will achieve His will for my life.

I thought, "Okay, but can I at least have something, some middle ground?" I just keep hearing Him whisper to let my nursing career be on hold for now and when I need it, it will still be there. For now I have the opportunity to be fully in with my kids and husband. I have a choice to choose joy or choose to look at this chance as a hindrance. "But I don't feel like a good mom. I don't have a passion for teaching my kids at home." I often say these things to God and He shows me that yes, on my own I will never be enough, but with Him I am enough. As long as I set my eyes on Him for guidance and strength, He will supply my needs. I love my kids and even though I don't like teaching that much I know that it is making our relationship stronger and helping me to disciple them in the Lord. That is what I have been called to do right now. So when Satan starts to put those lies in my mind I have to focus on the Word of God and choose joy! Yep I choose joy!

Our A2 group sent us some goodies from America, a card from the church, and a card from themselves. Nothing can brighten my soul more than getting a card from our home church with notes written in it from the kids in the Awana club and their leaders and of course our A2 family. We are blessed to have such a loving church family. We thank you all for your prayers and support!

 We have been going to the park down the street from our house a lot

 Tent time!

Someone turned 36!

Our goodies from home!

Wonderful Sunshine!

It's amazing how much a little warmer weather and sunshine will do for you. Spring has finally arrived here and we have been enjoying it. Last weekend we went to the zoo for the first time since before winter and had a great day. We had a good Easter here. The kids had fun in church making baby chickens and rabbits for the craft at Sunday school. We made a video for our church family which really captured the essence of our family right now. The kids did great in the video and towards the end Lorelei started talking to Kayla getting excited about being able to say "Nägemist,'' which is goodbye in Estonian. Then, she missed saying it and jumped up and waved her arms saying it at the end! Ha! Never a dull moment here!

The kids are doing well in school. We have checked into some activities for them to do outside of school and hope to get them in these in the fall. That is one of my biggest prayers right now: that we get the kids involved and help them to make friends here. I don't want them to merely get by here. I want them to thrive. They are excited to be able to go to extra classes such as dance or ceramics to do this. Please pray that God would place a special friend for each of them.

We have a family day coming up soon which we are putting on for families in the area to come and enjoy a few hours together. This will help them to see our presence in the neighborhood and help to raise awareness of the kids club we will be holding twice a month on Saturdays once school starts again in the Fall. We are doing a Carnival theme for this family day and plan to do the family days twice a year. The family day will be at the end of May. Please be in prayer for that.

We started our small group a few weeks ago. It is with a couple that Justin already knew from living here last time. We are very grateful for this couple and look forward to growing in Christ with them. We are praying and brainstorming ways of outreach for the group. Please be in prayer for this.

Language school is still going well. Our teacher encouraged us to go ahead and take language tests. Here, to have long term residence, you have to pass level B1. She told Justin he could easily pass B1 but that I may need a little more time. She recommended I do the A2 test, a level lower, because that way I can familiarize myself with the testing procedure and then take B1 in September. So my test will be May 7 and Justin's May 8. Please be in prayer for this as well.

Needless to say life has been busier but good. It is feeling more like home each day. That does not mean I do not miss my family and friends at home, I do very much, but our routine is getting more regular and days are going better.

I call my mom regularly and spoke with her today. I usually call her on the weekend, usually on Sunday to see my dad as well, but today I got to see my sister and niece. I enjoyed briefly getting to see them. I cannot put into words how grateful I am to have my family in my life. Even though it is hard for them to have us far away, they still support me and that means the world to me.

Thank you all for your prayers and support. We love and miss you all!

 The Easter Goodies

The kids at the Zoo

 Lorelei and her chicken and rabbit

 Palm Sunday

I am not alone

These past few months have went by quickly at times and sometimes seemed to crawl. It has been a time of many ups and downs for me. I have been in the valleys of culture shock and some days it takes its toll. For those who may be unfamiliar with the term culture shock, I would describe it as when your heart and mind realize that you are no longer at a comfortable place (home) and decide that you need to get there as fast as possible because you cannot bear the reality you are in any longer. It goes from frustration to daily changes to full blown anger or depression at times. I had the assumption that this time coming back to the mission field would be easier due to us already knowing what to expect culturally and such, and it has for the most part. But for me culture shock has hit me in a form of depression and stress. Because I'm more of an introvert I tend to want to isolate myself when I'm stressed. This can make it difficult when I'm home with the kids and all I really want is to be alone.

I don't say this to worry anyone or for sympathy. Actually I think it is good for others to see that life is not always perfect for anyone. Sometimes we put people we perceive as happier or better than us to be perfect. But in actuality all of us have struggles. No one is perfect, if we were then we would not need Jesus! To work through this culture shock I have started working out regularly, which helps with my stress. I have also been reading God's word and praying regularly. There have been many tears and also many laughs. One thing I am sure of is that I am not alone. God is with me, always! I love the song by Kari Jobe "I am Not Alone." On the days when I'm down and feel like I'm in this struggle alone, God quickly brings that song to mind and tells me He is near.

I have also been feeling guilty because my kids have seen me struggle and seen my distance from them due to it. Lorelei asked Ellie the other day while I was fixing her hair, "Is mommy still happy or angry again?" I asked her why she would say that and she said, "Because your always angry in the morning!" This broke my heart. It has been an adjustment going from working to being home all the time again. Sometimes I feel like a part of me is missing. But I love my kids and never want them to feel like a burden. I am trying to adjust and trying to be the best mother and wife I can and God is showing me to rely on Him when I feel like I'm not enough. He is showing me to see the joy in life and stop focusing on the hardship. I am reading the book "You and Me Forever" by Francis & Lisa Chan and I read this excerpt after having that discussion with Lorelei: "Following Jesus means that we put aside our personal desires and trust that the end result will be better." It goes on to say, "Jesus spoke about more than feelings and emotions. He spoke of literal sacrifices that would disrupt our lives and possibly end them."

I really needed to hear this! Sometimes I have this mindset that if it is hard then maybe it is not right.I miss my family a lot and feel tremendous guilt over not being there for special events, holidays, etc. But I know and readily remember God calling not just Justin here but me too! I know this is where I'm supposed to be and God will help me adjust.

God has also been showing me such grace during this time. This He has been doing through my wonderful husband! Justin has been there for me in many ways. He has been a sounding board for me and makes me laugh when I feel like crying. He holds me as I cry and shows me grace when I am frustrated and not so pleasant. He truly is an example of Christ's love to me and I love him very much! We just celebrated our fifteenth wedding anniversary and I can honestly say that he represents the biblical picture of what marriage should be. I am working on being the best wife for him and am excited about the future and how God will use him here in Estonia.

I will continue to press on. I will continue to choose God and His love daily. I will continue to let Him mold me and make me the mother, wife, and child of Christ He wants me to be! Thank you for the prayers and love each of you send to our family!

 Braeden and his friend playing at Lorelei and Ellie's birthday party

 One birthday girl

 And our other birthday girl with her friend and Kayla

 Two of my princesses

 My gift for our anniversary a beautiful new ring

 We went to Finland for the day for our anniversary and went to Sea Life. Here are the sea horses.

 Ellie having fun at Sea Life

Lorelei smiling with the fish

New Year, New House

I'm sorry this post is a little late this month but there is a really good reason for this. The house we were living in here had problems with the septic system which made it very hard to live in any longer.

Christmas was good. We were very blessed and the kids had many gifts from our families. It is so hard to be away from family at the holidays for me. I really think that is the hardest part of living far away. When I think of holidays I think of family. We had a quiet Christmas with just ourselves. We Skyped with our families and were grateful to see them at least.

After Christmas is when we started weighing the decision to move. We had been praying about this decision for a few months. The problem with the septic became apparent after being in the house for three weeks. They had said that the septic should be emptied every six months or so but with our family size it may be more like every four months. Well after three weeks of being in the house it needed to be emptied. At first we thought maybe it hadn't been emptied in a while prior to us moving in, but two weeks later it began overflowing into the house again! This time we really thought something was wrong with the house, maybe a blockage or something, but no, the septic was full again! This continued every two weeks. Every time it had to be emptied the house would stink awfully for most of the day. The house would begin to smell again prior to needing to be emptied again as well. The fumes gave us headaches and it just was too much. We spoke to the landlord and really the only option was to attach the house to central sewage, which was expensive and he did not want to do this. We thought maybe we could tough it out through the contact till September but one morning after the sewage was being emptied I went upstairs fumigating everything and found Braeden in the bathroom corner crying on the floor because the smell was so bad! That's when we decided enough was enough and we had to move.

As soon as we made the decision to move literally two feet of snow fell on the ground in a few days! No joke! We went from no snow to two feet of snow all while planning a move. The move went smoothly but it was exhausting with all of the shoveling of snow and such on top of moving! Now of course that we are settled the snow has stopped and is melting! Ha! The kids are a little disappointed that we were so busy moving when the snow was here that they didn't get to go sledding and such. Who knows maybe it will come back again?

We have officially been in our new place for two weeks now. Yesterday we finally got internet and TV service which was the last thing we were waiting on. The new place is in the part of town we really like. There is a park right down the street and walking paths on the streets. It is close to town and the airport as well. There are many young families in this area too. The house is called a partial house because we are living on the second story of a two story house. It sounds weird but is much like a duplex, but instead of being side by side, were on top. This house is much smaller than the other house, but still has plenty of room for our needs. The price is half of what we were paying before which will allow us to save for a down payment to buy something in the future. The rental market here is fast and can be hard for families, so we feel it is important to plan to buy in the future.

We are grateful to be settled again and pray that we will be able to stay at this place for a while and put some roots down. Moving twice in three months is not easy! Not to mention that we have moved twelve times in the fifteen years we have been married! Whew! I joked with Justin when I realized that and told him I had no idea I married a nomad when I married him! All joking aside though we are very blessed and humbled by God's graciousness to us through everything. We thank you all for your prayers and support! 

 All the snow!

 Ellie on the patio

 Braeden thought he would swim in the snow

 Tour of the new house, Living room

 Living room

 Kitchen/ Dining room

 Kayla's side of her and Braeden's room with some Pinterest inspired art

 Braeden's side of the room with  Pinterest inspired art

 The girl's room is the smallest room in the house but it works

 Some more Pinterest inspired art. We did the art together on cardboard from moving! We had fun!

 Our room

 Justin's office in our room

 Avalanche is also feeling at home here!