I don't know about you but some of the hardest things that I have had to do in my life involve saying goodbye or hello. We arrived here in Estonia on September 21. The weeks leading up to our departure involved several hard moments of saying goodbye. Some of these moments were great moments that we will always remember with our loved ones. Some of the goodbyes were hard and strained due to the lack of understanding about why we are moving and going to do what we are doing. At the end of the day it was just hard. On one side I felt guilty for leaving and not knowing what may happen or what I may not be able to be there for. On the other I felt excited to be in the center of God's will doing what He called us to do and the new adventure ahead of us.
It just leaves me feeling the need to share why we are doing this to the best of my ability and answer some of the questions we get often.
Why are you going to be a missionary?
I get this often. I have tried to explain it I don't know how many times but it really is difficult to explain God's calling. About eleven years ago I remember that Justin and I were both working and happy but just felt unfulfilled. I began then to pray for God to show us what we should be doing with our lives. We were serving at our local church and raising Kayla. One night a missionary came to our church and shared their work. Something pulled at my heart that night. I was continuing to pray about God's will for our lives and He began to impress on me that no matter where I went He would be with me. I found this funny because I really had no intention on leaving. God continued to speak to me and show me that no matter where I went He would be with me. This went on for about a month. Then Justin and I went to dinner one night and he told me he had been praying since the missionary came to our church about missions and thought that maybe God was calling us to missions. That's when it clicked! Yes, I said God is calling us to missions because I too have been praying since the missionary came to our church and God has been preparing my heart for this moment.
So that answers how we knew what to do but not why we are doing it. The answer to that is quite simple. We could either choose to not follow God's will for our lives and continue to live our lives the way we want or we could choose to trust and follow God and allow Him to use us as He wants. Now I said that the answer is simple but the actual choice and going through with it is very hard. I would be lying if I told you it was smooth sailing to get back here and that everything we did was greatly blessed. It was a long road to get back to here and God used each bump to help conform us to be more like Him so that we would be more moldable and useable here. It is just as painful for us if not more to not be able to be there for the birthdays, graduations, hugs and kisses, family reunions, deaths, and just life in general of the ones that we love.
So Why? Why choose to follow God?
Well let me tell you something very personal to me that may explain this. When I was a teenager I was bullied a lot. I was not skinny, had curly hair, and braces. I felt like I was worthless and could not imagine that if there was a God why would he put me through this. I did not go to church regularly but did go from time to time with friends. I was feeling so down that I thought the only way out was to end my life. I was concerned about doing this though till I was certain I would not go to hell. I began to search for answers but would always get mixed results. some said if you killed yourself no matter what you went to hell. Some said there was never any way to ever know. Things escalated and one day I had had enough. I was in the hallway and some kids came down the hall barking at me like I was a dog in front of everyone. I had to end my pain and it had to be that night. I stood in my room about to slit my wrist and felt a tug to just go ask one more time how to know I would go to heaven. I went to my grandmothers room and she opened her Bible and showed me from the book of Romans how to be saved. It clicked. I went to my room and layed on my bed crying out to Jesus and asking Him to forgive me for wanting to end my life and asked Him to save it! He did! It was as if He was right there hugging me and comforting me. He told me then that He created me for a reason and He would get me through.
So how can I say no to God when He is calling me to share His love with others?
I cannot. He saved my life I owe Him everything! And that my friends is why we are moving to Estonia to serve God.
Since arriving here we have been getting settled and transitioning. God has provided for us a car and house to rent. We had friends who met us at the airport and welcomed us here. They are such a blessing to us! The kids are settling in and we have begun to do our workbooks until we get our curriculum on our shipment. Next we will be preparing for language study and work. We are very excited to see God work here in Estonia and are humbled that He chose us to be part of His plan. We are just regular people with normal faults who have chosen to follow God. Above anything else I want our lives to reflect that. This blog will be used to update about our life here and a place where I can share my heart. I hope that it is a blessing to others. Thank you for the prayers and support!
