Goodbyes and Hellos

I don't know about you but some of the hardest things that I have had to do in my life involve saying goodbye or hello. We arrived here in Estonia on September 21. The weeks leading up to our departure involved several hard moments of saying goodbye. Some of these moments were great moments that we will always remember with our loved ones. Some of the goodbyes were hard and strained due to the lack of understanding about why we are moving and going to do what we are doing. At the end of the day it was just hard. On one side I felt guilty for leaving and not knowing what may happen or what I may not be able to be there for. On the other I felt excited to be in the center of God's will doing what He called us to do and the new adventure ahead of us.

It just leaves me feeling the need to share why we are doing this to the best of my ability and answer some of the questions we get often.

Why are you going to be a missionary?

 

I get this often. I have tried to explain it I don't know how many times but it really is difficult to explain God's calling. About eleven years ago I remember that Justin and I were both working and happy but just felt unfulfilled. I began then to pray for God to show us what we should be doing with our lives. We were serving at our local church and raising Kayla. One night a missionary came to our church and shared their work. Something pulled at my heart that night. I was continuing to pray about God's will for our lives and He began to impress on me that no matter where I went He would be with me. I found this funny because I really had no intention on leaving. God continued to speak to me and show me that no matter where I went He would be with me. This went on for about a month. Then Justin and I went to dinner one night and he told me he had been praying since the missionary came to our church about missions and thought that maybe God was calling us to missions. That's when it clicked! Yes, I said God is calling us to missions because I too have been praying since the missionary came to our church and God has been preparing my heart for this moment.

So that answers how we knew what to do but not why we are doing it. The answer to that  is quite simple. We could either choose to not follow God's will for our lives and continue to live our lives the way we want or we could choose to trust and follow God and allow Him to use us as He wants. Now I said that the answer is simple but the actual choice and going through with it is very hard. I would be lying if I told you it was smooth sailing to get back here and that everything we did was greatly blessed. It was a long road to get back to here and God used each bump to help conform us to be more like Him so that we would be more moldable and useable here. It is just as painful for us if not more to not be able to be there for the birthdays, graduations, hugs and  kisses, family reunions, deaths, and just life in general of the ones that we love.

So Why? Why choose to follow God?

 

Well let me tell you something very personal to me that may explain this. When I was a teenager I was bullied a lot. I was not skinny, had curly hair, and braces. I felt like I was worthless and could not imagine that if there was a God why would he put me through this. I did not go to church regularly but did go from time to time with friends. I was feeling so down that I thought the only way out was to end my life. I was concerned about doing this though till I was certain I would not go to hell. I began to search for answers but would always get mixed results. some said if you killed yourself no matter what you went to hell. Some said there was never any way to ever know. Things escalated and one day I had had enough. I was in the hallway and some kids came down the hall barking at me like I was a dog in front of everyone. I had to end my pain and it had to be that night. I stood in my room about to slit my wrist and felt a tug to just go ask one more time how to know I would go to heaven. I went to my grandmothers room and she opened her Bible and showed me from the book of Romans how to be saved. It clicked. I went to my room and layed on my bed crying out to Jesus and asking Him to forgive me for wanting to end my life and asked Him to save it! He did! It was as if He was right there hugging me and comforting me. He told me then that He created me for a reason and He would get me through.

So how can I say no to God when He is calling me to share His love with others?

 

I cannot. He saved my life I owe Him everything! And that my friends is why we are moving to Estonia to serve God.

Since arriving here we have been getting settled and transitioning. God has provided for us a car and house to rent. We had friends who met us at the airport and welcomed us here. They are such a blessing to us! The kids are settling in and we have begun to do our workbooks until we get our curriculum on our shipment. Next we will be preparing for language study and work. We are very excited to see God work here in Estonia and are humbled that He chose us to be part of His plan. We are just regular people with normal faults who have chosen to follow God. Above anything else I want our lives to reflect that. This blog will be used to update about our life here and a place where I can share my heart. I hope that it is a blessing to others. Thank you for the prayers and support!

 

 

 Our kids playing at the park here in Estonia.

Our God is a God of Second Chances

It is with much excitement that I share with you today about our future plans. If you are close to me you probably know that we have been in the process for a few years now trying to find God's path for our lives. In 2012, we began the process of becoming missionaries again due to the fact that we kept feeling the burden of God telling us to go back to His original call on our lives which was missions. This road was a bumpy road and we continued to be hopeful and tried to be open minded to all areas of missions. After much prayer, training, and time we realized that God did not just call us to missions, He called us to be missionaries to the Estonian people. The burden we felt for Estonia never left our hearts. It has weighed heavily on our hearts since coming home in 2011.

We knew that if this was meant to be, God would have to be the one to make it work. We did not imagine it would happen so quickly. Once we advised the missions office of our thoughts and what was weighing on our hearts in August we were approved as missionary candidates to Estonia in September! We could not be more ecstatic!

The whole process of support for missionaries has changed since the last time we were missionaries which is something that is very good for us. Now the church that sends you is your partner in ministry and, gives not only financial, but ministry, prayer, and individual support. This is something we did not have last time. Also the way we are supported is different. Missionaries now raise 65% of their salary and all other funds. This is done by forming partners with other individuals and churches who feel led to get behind God's vision He has given us for Estonia and choose to give financially and prayerfully.

This is where we are at now. We are looking for partners to join us on the mission God has called us to! Our vision for Estonia is Estonia For Christ:

Establishing strategic partnerships
Forming small groups
Creating communities of the Kingdom

To learn more about our vision and mission go to missionestonia.blogspot.com. The Mission: Estonia blog will be the blog of our mission work. My blog will remain to give and inside view of our family life as it did before.

I know it may seem daunting about supporting a missionary. Well, really it is simple. Could you give up two Starbucks a month and give $10 a month for support. How about giving up one fast food family dinner a month for $30 a month for support. I encourage you to pray and seek God's will on the amount to give if you feel burdened to give. Roughly we need:

10 partners @ $10 a month
10 partners @ $25 a month
10 partners @ $50 a month
10 partners @ $100 a month
10 partners @ $150 a month

You may ask, "What do I get in return?" Well, you will get updates and newsletters about the work in Estonia. You will have an insider view of the work and ministry God is doing there. You will be able to be a part of missions from your own home and have opportunities to serve in Estonia on short term trips if you choose.

If you feel like this is something that interests you we encourage you to pray about partnering with us. Together we can make an impact in Estonia! Please visit missionestonia.blogspot.com and click on the link to donate now in order to donate and become our partner. Please let us know if you plan to partner with us so that we can include you in our newsletter and updates as well as keep our budget in place. You can contact us at missionestonia@gmail.com.

Thank you for those who have been with us on this journey so far and those who will continue with us in the future!

Our past year

So it has been a long time since I have posted on here. There are several excuses I could give for that but the truth is I just did not know where to start and really did not feel like sharing. We have been back in America now more than a year. We had our fourth precious child on February 10 of this year. We named her Lorelei Elisabeth. She is beautiful and perfect just like our other two little girls God has blessed us with. She is ten months old now and into everything. She has grown so fast, just like the others. She has a sweet personality and is happy most of the time.

Since being home, much has happened in our lives. Justin first thought God wanted him to pastor a church so we began looking for one in the area. We quickly found one interested and began to pray and seek God’s will. For all that have sought God’s will you know it is a tricky thing and hard at times. We however felt that this was God’s will and were excited and happy to be starting our new stage of ministry. The kids needed more time for adjustment to America so we pulled them from public school and continued to home school them.

Things were well and the church assured us they shared the same vision we had for ministry for outreach and reaching the lost. After Lorelei was born however something changed and I cannot really put my finger on it, however through the months that followed it became apparent that those who had the most control over the church did not agree with the vision and plan we had discussed prior to us taking the position at the church. As you can imagine this made it very difficult for any change to happen and as a result we began to pray and seek God’s will of how to handle this. It continued to deteriorate at the church and we realized that despite our efforts we would be doing more good for the church by leaving rather than staying in a situation where our understanding of God’s will for our lives did not match up with the leadership’s view of how the church’s future was headed.

You can imagine how heartbroken and upset we were with this outcome. We really thought we would be at this church for years to come when we accepted the position. Maybe we were naive. We were definitely unprepared and not told the whole truth about the history of the church. Looking back there were many things that could have been different but placing blame and trying to see what could have been does not change the past.  We have just had to move on and accept the past for what it is.

During this time, we bought a house in Terrell. The reason for this was that it was as close to the church as we could get and stay within our price range for a house. We were in the house for about four months before we began to realize things were not getting better at the church and we needed to look at other ways to support our family. I began to look for a job. I went back into nursing. It took me a while to find a position but I finally got one in Mother Baby, which I love. At first I worked at a hospital in Tyler, which I would have stayed at but the one and a half hour drive began to get to me and I was falling asleep on the way home. Thankfully, after working in Tyler for three months I got a position closer to home. My new position allows me to work days, is closer to home, and allows me to be in the delivery room at times as well as work in Mother Baby. I really cannot call my position a job because I truly love it so much. It is stressful at times but I love working with new and old mom’s and helping them transition into motherhood for the first time or fourth time.

Justin during this time stayed home with the kids then he got a position at a school in order to be certified as a teacher in secondary math. With us both working we had decided to try public school again and, with Justin working at the school, the kids could go to the school district he was working for. With this, he and the kids were all commuting an hour each way to school. The smaller girls were being passed from family member to family member until we found someone to watch them from her home. Everyone was fussy and exhausted. We quickly realized this was not going to work and decided to look and try to get back to what would work for everyone and decided for Justin to stay at home with the kids and for me to work. With this, we also decided that our kids could get a better education and more attention if they were home schooled.

Therefore, that is where we are. Since Thanksgiving break the kids have been home with Justin and have began their curriculum for the year. Ellie and Lorelei have also been home and have been more grounded and able to flourish due to this. Our family is more grounded and we are able to spend quality time together, which is better than anything money could buy. We are very blessed!

We have also joined a local church. We began visiting the church back in June after leaving the other church. We really liked it and began to pray if that was where we needed to be. We joined at the end of July and have been there since then. The kids have flourished there and have made several friends. Kayla had a sleepover with some of them for her tenth birthday in October. (Yes, she is ten!!) My how time flies.

We still both feel very lost here in America. Really it stems from we feel unused as far as ministry is concerned. We feel at times as if maybe we took our own path instead of God’s when leaving the mission field. While I know, we are human and make mistakes I also know God does not and we are here for a reason. I just wish I knew what that was. I really feel at home at my new job and know that that is a big part of why I am here. However, I also know God has big plans for Justin and will use him in a mighty way. I struggle with this because I feel at times that I may hold him back because after everything that happened at the church I was hurt, and angry. I hardened my heart to outsiders and most importantly hardened my heart to God. I did not know why this was happening and instead of turning to God, praying, and seeking His grace to understand and forgive, I chose to hold onto the past and let it grow inside me and hinder my relationship with God. God has really been speaking to my heart recently and telling me it is time to let go of the past. I cannot move forward unless I forgive, give it to Him, and trust Him to provide me with the grace to move forward and trust He has a plan. In addition, God has been showing me how incredibly blessed we are. Despite everything, that has happened this past year, we have a beautiful home to live in, an incredible family, four beautiful miracles that He has entrusted us with, an incredible relationship with each other as a couple, and most of all the forgiveness for our sins through Jesus Christ! I do not know if it is the Christmas season that helped to soften my heart or if it was the continuing tug of God telling me He missed me and longed for me to seek Him and surrender to Him again, but I have decided to do just that.  I cannot hold the anger inside anymore, I have decided to forgive not only those who I saw as the problem and reason for things not working at the church, but most importantly myself. I think in my walk as a Christian that is one of the hardest things to do. Forgiving others comes easier than forgiving myself. I think this is satan’s way of holding us captive. God wants us to be free, and tells us to ask for forgiveness and it shall be given to us. He does not promise our lives will be easy, but does promise He will not put more on us than we can bear.

I have decided to hold true to this and give my anger and mistrust to God and surrender to His will no matter what that is. We are praying together for God to show us where and how He wants to use us in ministry. Neither one of us knows what that may be. We both know that our focus right now is growing our family and nurturing our kids. Raising our kids in a Christian loving home and placing God’s word in their world. That is our ministry right now. Please pray with us as we seek God’s will for our future. We may never again be the leaders of a church; we may never again be foreign missionaries, who knows what our future holds. Only God knows that, but in order for us to be a part of the future He wants, we must be willing to trust Him and surrender to Him and Him alone. I can finally say I am ready!!

God use me as you will, thank you for the many blessing you have given in my life, please forgive me for my unbelief and mistrust in you, I see now that you were there all along, beside me holding my hand, and you are here right now helping me to move forward. Thank you God for being such a wonderful Father, provider, comforter, healer, and friend. I love you and have missed you greatly, it is good to be at your side again. Amen.

 Ellie holding Lorelei for the first time

 Kayla holding Lorelei

 All four of our miracles

 Lorelei Elisabeth Owens

 Us at the fair this year

 Justin and I

 Halloween  this year

 Having fun

Our future plans

After much prayer and consideration we feel that we are being called to be used by God here in America and have decided to not return to the foreign field of Estonia. We have contacted the pastors of the churches we had set up for furlough visits and will continue to honor those commitments as God allows and the pastors wish. We will be sharing with these churches about what God did through us in Estonia. We will not be making any future appointments however.

We thank everyone who has prayed for us and supported us while we have been serving with the BMAA. Please know that just because we are not returning to foreign missions, that we are still very much missions minded and plan to seek God's will for a place in a church that we can serve God in and help grow and plant new churches from.

Please continue to pray for us as we seek God's will for where we would serve and for our family's adjustment back to life in America. We love each of you and look forward to seeing those that still allow us to come to their churches.

We have a surprise!!

So we have been keeping a big secret for some time now. Now that all of our family has seen us and know, we can tell the secret. We are expecting our fourth child. I am almost six months pregnant with Samantha Irene! Yes, we found out before leaving Estonia that the baby is a girl. Unless God surprises us and it is a boy, in which the name would be Declan Matthias. We are very excited about the new little blessing God has brought into our lives. This for sure will be our last. We decided this prior to trying for this one. We were hoping for a boy to even out the girls and boys in the house, but are very happy that the baby is healthy and beautiful. We had the opportunity to see her twice in 4-D sonogram in Estonia. The last time at 20-weeks, she was so beautifully sweet and sleeping.

This is why I stopped reporting in about my weight loss. I got to the point where I was gaining and wanted to keep the surprise so I could not share anymore. I have gained within the recommended amount of weight for how long into pregnancy I am at this point and am still working out at least five times a week. I do not work out as intensely but I do work out for about 30 minutes. I hope to lose the rest of my weight after the baby comes. Of course, I will not push it too much because I want to enjoy the time with her as well.

We are excited to be home and with family and friends. Nothing beats getting to see and hug your parents and in-laws in person. They are very supportive of us and we love them very much! We are looking forward to meeting with the churches that have supported us and sharing with them the work that God has done through us here in Estonia and our future plans.

Please continue to pray for the kid’s transition into public schools here. Please pray for our safety as we travel. We love and thank you all for your support and prayers.

First Day of School

Sweet Ellie had to have her picture taken even though it is not her first day of school!

Beautiful Kayla. Sorry for the frazzled look (Daddy took this picture ;0)

Handsome Braeden (again a little frazzled ;0)

So we started school today at the Owens house. Kayla started fourth grade and Braeden the first grade. The kids did well their first day. We are still getting used to the new program and some adjustments will have to be made but for the most part the day went well.

The kids have recently expressed to us that they desire to go to public school while we are home in America and attend Estonian school upon our return back here next year. Justin and I want to do what is best for our kids spiritually, mentally and physically. We decided to pray and look into the options and see where God leads us. We immediately heard back from the school district in America and they were very excited to welcome our children and have assured us that it will not be too late in the year for them to adjust. They even thanked us for serving God as missionaries. I have to admit I was a little surprised by the schools response. So it looks as though the kids for sure will be attending school in America. The school here also contacted and set up an appointment for us here quickly. The appointment is tomorrow and we will be discussing with them a plan for how to get the kids ready to transition into Estonian schools next year. This is a big step because they do not know much of the language. Braeden will be seven which is the age when they start first grade here which is their first class in real school. Kayla will need more transition time though. Please pray for this meeting and that God continues to lead us to what His will is for our children

I have to admit I was not all for this in the beginning. I feel as though part of my job is being taken away. I do not know if I am ready for my kids to leave yet. I cried a little and prayed and God really spoke to my heart letting me know He would guide me to do what is best for my kids and He would care for them no matter what. I know this will be a great opportunity for the kids to grow and learn with their peers. They never have really showed any interest in attending school so we never really checked into it before. Now they see their friends here starting school and they have adjusted enough to living here that they are ready to go as well. I will follow God's will for my kids and continue to seek Him daily to assure we are going in the right direction.

I promised I would never talk about potty training on my blog but all I will say is that in potty world things are going well for little Ellie. We are almost there!! She is growing so much and enjoys dancing and singing. She even knows the words to some of the Christian songs we play in the car and sings them. So cute!! She eats oatmeal for breakfast every morning and I usually feed it to her but a few weeks ago she told me "I do it Mommy", so I let her. She has been feeding herself since then!! It is bittersweet at times to see your little one growing up. I am very grateful for the wonderful, healthy, beautiful, sweet, and caring children God has given me.

Well I am sure most of you know but I finished my school. So know I am C.Owens RN, BSN!!! :0) Justin still has about six weeks until he graduates with his Masters of Divinity. We also have about six weeks until we are home!! I am getting things cleaned out and ready to pack soon.

Justin has one more time to preach at the International Church before we leave in October. He is still working with one man in discipleship training each week as well. Thank you for your prayers and support. We will be home for furlough from October 14, 2011-July 16, 2012. If you are a pastor and would like us to come to your church please email Justin at his email address on the BMA website. We love and miss you all!!

Is it Fall already?

Waiting for the Knight parade to start!

Dress up!!

Sisters playing!

Pretty girls!

Well we had a short Summer here in Estonia. Since August had arrived the weather has been more Fall like. We have had spouts of rain and cooler temperatures. Today we had a beautiful day and took advantage of it and went to the park and walked around and lets the kids play. We came home tired and satisfied with our time together.

I decided to do some late Spring cleaning and get the kids' rooms cleaned up. Also I have been cleaning out my closet as nothing I have fits except a few things I caught on sale or the few items my Mom gave me for my birthday. I guess it is a good problem to have considering all of my clothes are too big for me but I do get tired of looking like I am wearing a sack instead of a shirt! Ha! I can't wait to get home to do some shopping.

I start my last two weeks of school this week!! All of my major work is done except my final in Economics. Ugh!! That class is tough!! Hopefully I can make it out of it with an A. We will see. I have enjoyed going back to school mainly the nursing classes because it makes me feel like a part of the nursing world again. I love nursing so much and miss it a lot. Hopefully God will show me how to use my nursing skills on the mission field as well. That has got to be the number two adjustment that I am still working on, being content as a stay at home mom.

When I first quit my job for us to become missionaries I thought, this will be great! I will get to focus on my family and kids, not have to worry about shifting back and forth between night shift and home time. Then after being a stay at home mom I began to feel lost. I craved the adult interaction and the feeling of happiness and gratification I received from working. I worked in the happiest place in the hospital, helping moms and babies transition into their new lives. Oh how I loved my job!! I had to really pray to God to show me how to be a good mom and enjoy being at home. Then there is also the aspect of homeschooling. Which I can tell you did not come natural to me. Through much prayer and guidance we have made it two years of homeschooling. Though I am by far not the best teacher in the world, I have to say I am enjoying watching and helping my children learn. We have our rough times but the good really outweighs the bad. God has shown me over these past four years that He will guide me, give me what I need to succeed, and love me unconditionally when I fail. I now can say I am content and really blessed to be able to stay at home with my wonderful family. Especially while they are so little and growing. Though at times I still long to be a nurse, I LOVE being a stay at home mom!!

We will be starting our new home school year on September 5. We are using a new program and hoping that it will be a good mix for the kids.

Justin taught 34 kids how to share their faith at the camp in Kuressaare this past month. That makes over 100 people that Justin has taught how to share their faith this year here in Estonia. we continue to help with the International Church here until October as well.

I have decided to add an element of surprise about my weight loss. I am not going to post about my weight until we arrive home. That way all of our family can see me first hand to see my weight loss and then I will post about it. Everyone likes surprises right? ;0) Do not worry, I still continue to watch what I eat and work out. Promise!

We will be coming to America from October 14-July 16, 2012 for furlough. We have visits through March of 2012 right now. If you are a pastor of a church and would like us to come to your church email Justin estoniamissions@yahoo.com.

We love and miss all of you!! Thank you for your prayers and support!!