Our past year

So it has been a long time since I have posted on here. There are several excuses I could give for that but the truth is I just did not know where to start and really did not feel like sharing. We have been back in America now more than a year. We had our fourth precious child on February 10 of this year. We named her Lorelei Elisabeth. She is beautiful and perfect just like our other two little girls God has blessed us with. She is ten months old now and into everything. She has grown so fast, just like the others. She has a sweet personality and is happy most of the time.

Since being home, much has happened in our lives. Justin first thought God wanted him to pastor a church so we began looking for one in the area. We quickly found one interested and began to pray and seek God’s will. For all that have sought God’s will you know it is a tricky thing and hard at times. We however felt that this was God’s will and were excited and happy to be starting our new stage of ministry. The kids needed more time for adjustment to America so we pulled them from public school and continued to home school them.

Things were well and the church assured us they shared the same vision we had for ministry for outreach and reaching the lost. After Lorelei was born however something changed and I cannot really put my finger on it, however through the months that followed it became apparent that those who had the most control over the church did not agree with the vision and plan we had discussed prior to us taking the position at the church. As you can imagine this made it very difficult for any change to happen and as a result we began to pray and seek God’s will of how to handle this. It continued to deteriorate at the church and we realized that despite our efforts we would be doing more good for the church by leaving rather than staying in a situation where our understanding of God’s will for our lives did not match up with the leadership’s view of how the church’s future was headed.

You can imagine how heartbroken and upset we were with this outcome. We really thought we would be at this church for years to come when we accepted the position. Maybe we were naive. We were definitely unprepared and not told the whole truth about the history of the church. Looking back there were many things that could have been different but placing blame and trying to see what could have been does not change the past.  We have just had to move on and accept the past for what it is.

During this time, we bought a house in Terrell. The reason for this was that it was as close to the church as we could get and stay within our price range for a house. We were in the house for about four months before we began to realize things were not getting better at the church and we needed to look at other ways to support our family. I began to look for a job. I went back into nursing. It took me a while to find a position but I finally got one in Mother Baby, which I love. At first I worked at a hospital in Tyler, which I would have stayed at but the one and a half hour drive began to get to me and I was falling asleep on the way home. Thankfully, after working in Tyler for three months I got a position closer to home. My new position allows me to work days, is closer to home, and allows me to be in the delivery room at times as well as work in Mother Baby. I really cannot call my position a job because I truly love it so much. It is stressful at times but I love working with new and old mom’s and helping them transition into motherhood for the first time or fourth time.

Justin during this time stayed home with the kids then he got a position at a school in order to be certified as a teacher in secondary math. With us both working we had decided to try public school again and, with Justin working at the school, the kids could go to the school district he was working for. With this, he and the kids were all commuting an hour each way to school. The smaller girls were being passed from family member to family member until we found someone to watch them from her home. Everyone was fussy and exhausted. We quickly realized this was not going to work and decided to look and try to get back to what would work for everyone and decided for Justin to stay at home with the kids and for me to work. With this, we also decided that our kids could get a better education and more attention if they were home schooled.

Therefore, that is where we are. Since Thanksgiving break the kids have been home with Justin and have began their curriculum for the year. Ellie and Lorelei have also been home and have been more grounded and able to flourish due to this. Our family is more grounded and we are able to spend quality time together, which is better than anything money could buy. We are very blessed!

We have also joined a local church. We began visiting the church back in June after leaving the other church. We really liked it and began to pray if that was where we needed to be. We joined at the end of July and have been there since then. The kids have flourished there and have made several friends. Kayla had a sleepover with some of them for her tenth birthday in October. (Yes, she is ten!!) My how time flies.

We still both feel very lost here in America. Really it stems from we feel unused as far as ministry is concerned. We feel at times as if maybe we took our own path instead of God’s when leaving the mission field. While I know, we are human and make mistakes I also know God does not and we are here for a reason. I just wish I knew what that was. I really feel at home at my new job and know that that is a big part of why I am here. However, I also know God has big plans for Justin and will use him in a mighty way. I struggle with this because I feel at times that I may hold him back because after everything that happened at the church I was hurt, and angry. I hardened my heart to outsiders and most importantly hardened my heart to God. I did not know why this was happening and instead of turning to God, praying, and seeking His grace to understand and forgive, I chose to hold onto the past and let it grow inside me and hinder my relationship with God. God has really been speaking to my heart recently and telling me it is time to let go of the past. I cannot move forward unless I forgive, give it to Him, and trust Him to provide me with the grace to move forward and trust He has a plan. In addition, God has been showing me how incredibly blessed we are. Despite everything, that has happened this past year, we have a beautiful home to live in, an incredible family, four beautiful miracles that He has entrusted us with, an incredible relationship with each other as a couple, and most of all the forgiveness for our sins through Jesus Christ! I do not know if it is the Christmas season that helped to soften my heart or if it was the continuing tug of God telling me He missed me and longed for me to seek Him and surrender to Him again, but I have decided to do just that.  I cannot hold the anger inside anymore, I have decided to forgive not only those who I saw as the problem and reason for things not working at the church, but most importantly myself. I think in my walk as a Christian that is one of the hardest things to do. Forgiving others comes easier than forgiving myself. I think this is satan’s way of holding us captive. God wants us to be free, and tells us to ask for forgiveness and it shall be given to us. He does not promise our lives will be easy, but does promise He will not put more on us than we can bear.

I have decided to hold true to this and give my anger and mistrust to God and surrender to His will no matter what that is. We are praying together for God to show us where and how He wants to use us in ministry. Neither one of us knows what that may be. We both know that our focus right now is growing our family and nurturing our kids. Raising our kids in a Christian loving home and placing God’s word in their world. That is our ministry right now. Please pray with us as we seek God’s will for our future. We may never again be the leaders of a church; we may never again be foreign missionaries, who knows what our future holds. Only God knows that, but in order for us to be a part of the future He wants, we must be willing to trust Him and surrender to Him and Him alone. I can finally say I am ready!!

God use me as you will, thank you for the many blessing you have given in my life, please forgive me for my unbelief and mistrust in you, I see now that you were there all along, beside me holding my hand, and you are here right now helping me to move forward. Thank you God for being such a wonderful Father, provider, comforter, healer, and friend. I love you and have missed you greatly, it is good to be at your side again. Amen.

 Ellie holding Lorelei for the first time

 Kayla holding Lorelei

 All four of our miracles

 Lorelei Elisabeth Owens

 Us at the fair this year

 Justin and I

 Halloween  this year

 Having fun

Our future plans

After much prayer and consideration we feel that we are being called to be used by God here in America and have decided to not return to the foreign field of Estonia. We have contacted the pastors of the churches we had set up for furlough visits and will continue to honor those commitments as God allows and the pastors wish. We will be sharing with these churches about what God did through us in Estonia. We will not be making any future appointments however.

We thank everyone who has prayed for us and supported us while we have been serving with the BMAA. Please know that just because we are not returning to foreign missions, that we are still very much missions minded and plan to seek God's will for a place in a church that we can serve God in and help grow and plant new churches from.

Please continue to pray for us as we seek God's will for where we would serve and for our family's adjustment back to life in America. We love each of you and look forward to seeing those that still allow us to come to their churches.

We have a surprise!!

So we have been keeping a big secret for some time now. Now that all of our family has seen us and know, we can tell the secret. We are expecting our fourth child. I am almost six months pregnant with Samantha Irene! Yes, we found out before leaving Estonia that the baby is a girl. Unless God surprises us and it is a boy, in which the name would be Declan Matthias. We are very excited about the new little blessing God has brought into our lives. This for sure will be our last. We decided this prior to trying for this one. We were hoping for a boy to even out the girls and boys in the house, but are very happy that the baby is healthy and beautiful. We had the opportunity to see her twice in 4-D sonogram in Estonia. The last time at 20-weeks, she was so beautifully sweet and sleeping.

This is why I stopped reporting in about my weight loss. I got to the point where I was gaining and wanted to keep the surprise so I could not share anymore. I have gained within the recommended amount of weight for how long into pregnancy I am at this point and am still working out at least five times a week. I do not work out as intensely but I do work out for about 30 minutes. I hope to lose the rest of my weight after the baby comes. Of course, I will not push it too much because I want to enjoy the time with her as well.

We are excited to be home and with family and friends. Nothing beats getting to see and hug your parents and in-laws in person. They are very supportive of us and we love them very much! We are looking forward to meeting with the churches that have supported us and sharing with them the work that God has done through us here in Estonia and our future plans.

Please continue to pray for the kid’s transition into public schools here. Please pray for our safety as we travel. We love and thank you all for your support and prayers.

First Day of School

Sweet Ellie had to have her picture taken even though it is not her first day of school!

Beautiful Kayla. Sorry for the frazzled look (Daddy took this picture ;0)

Handsome Braeden (again a little frazzled ;0)

So we started school today at the Owens house. Kayla started fourth grade and Braeden the first grade. The kids did well their first day. We are still getting used to the new program and some adjustments will have to be made but for the most part the day went well.

The kids have recently expressed to us that they desire to go to public school while we are home in America and attend Estonian school upon our return back here next year. Justin and I want to do what is best for our kids spiritually, mentally and physically. We decided to pray and look into the options and see where God leads us. We immediately heard back from the school district in America and they were very excited to welcome our children and have assured us that it will not be too late in the year for them to adjust. They even thanked us for serving God as missionaries. I have to admit I was a little surprised by the schools response. So it looks as though the kids for sure will be attending school in America. The school here also contacted and set up an appointment for us here quickly. The appointment is tomorrow and we will be discussing with them a plan for how to get the kids ready to transition into Estonian schools next year. This is a big step because they do not know much of the language. Braeden will be seven which is the age when they start first grade here which is their first class in real school. Kayla will need more transition time though. Please pray for this meeting and that God continues to lead us to what His will is for our children

I have to admit I was not all for this in the beginning. I feel as though part of my job is being taken away. I do not know if I am ready for my kids to leave yet. I cried a little and prayed and God really spoke to my heart letting me know He would guide me to do what is best for my kids and He would care for them no matter what. I know this will be a great opportunity for the kids to grow and learn with their peers. They never have really showed any interest in attending school so we never really checked into it before. Now they see their friends here starting school and they have adjusted enough to living here that they are ready to go as well. I will follow God's will for my kids and continue to seek Him daily to assure we are going in the right direction.

I promised I would never talk about potty training on my blog but all I will say is that in potty world things are going well for little Ellie. We are almost there!! She is growing so much and enjoys dancing and singing. She even knows the words to some of the Christian songs we play in the car and sings them. So cute!! She eats oatmeal for breakfast every morning and I usually feed it to her but a few weeks ago she told me "I do it Mommy", so I let her. She has been feeding herself since then!! It is bittersweet at times to see your little one growing up. I am very grateful for the wonderful, healthy, beautiful, sweet, and caring children God has given me.

Well I am sure most of you know but I finished my school. So know I am C.Owens RN, BSN!!! :0) Justin still has about six weeks until he graduates with his Masters of Divinity. We also have about six weeks until we are home!! I am getting things cleaned out and ready to pack soon.

Justin has one more time to preach at the International Church before we leave in October. He is still working with one man in discipleship training each week as well. Thank you for your prayers and support. We will be home for furlough from October 14, 2011-July 16, 2012. If you are a pastor and would like us to come to your church please email Justin at his email address on the BMA website. We love and miss you all!!

Is it Fall already?

Waiting for the Knight parade to start!

Dress up!!

Sisters playing!

Pretty girls!

Well we had a short Summer here in Estonia. Since August had arrived the weather has been more Fall like. We have had spouts of rain and cooler temperatures. Today we had a beautiful day and took advantage of it and went to the park and walked around and lets the kids play. We came home tired and satisfied with our time together.

I decided to do some late Spring cleaning and get the kids' rooms cleaned up. Also I have been cleaning out my closet as nothing I have fits except a few things I caught on sale or the few items my Mom gave me for my birthday. I guess it is a good problem to have considering all of my clothes are too big for me but I do get tired of looking like I am wearing a sack instead of a shirt! Ha! I can't wait to get home to do some shopping.

I start my last two weeks of school this week!! All of my major work is done except my final in Economics. Ugh!! That class is tough!! Hopefully I can make it out of it with an A. We will see. I have enjoyed going back to school mainly the nursing classes because it makes me feel like a part of the nursing world again. I love nursing so much and miss it a lot. Hopefully God will show me how to use my nursing skills on the mission field as well. That has got to be the number two adjustment that I am still working on, being content as a stay at home mom.

When I first quit my job for us to become missionaries I thought, this will be great! I will get to focus on my family and kids, not have to worry about shifting back and forth between night shift and home time. Then after being a stay at home mom I began to feel lost. I craved the adult interaction and the feeling of happiness and gratification I received from working. I worked in the happiest place in the hospital, helping moms and babies transition into their new lives. Oh how I loved my job!! I had to really pray to God to show me how to be a good mom and enjoy being at home. Then there is also the aspect of homeschooling. Which I can tell you did not come natural to me. Through much prayer and guidance we have made it two years of homeschooling. Though I am by far not the best teacher in the world, I have to say I am enjoying watching and helping my children learn. We have our rough times but the good really outweighs the bad. God has shown me over these past four years that He will guide me, give me what I need to succeed, and love me unconditionally when I fail. I now can say I am content and really blessed to be able to stay at home with my wonderful family. Especially while they are so little and growing. Though at times I still long to be a nurse, I LOVE being a stay at home mom!!

We will be starting our new home school year on September 5. We are using a new program and hoping that it will be a good mix for the kids.

Justin taught 34 kids how to share their faith at the camp in Kuressaare this past month. That makes over 100 people that Justin has taught how to share their faith this year here in Estonia. we continue to help with the International Church here until October as well.

I have decided to add an element of surprise about my weight loss. I am not going to post about my weight until we arrive home. That way all of our family can see me first hand to see my weight loss and then I will post about it. Everyone likes surprises right? ;0) Do not worry, I still continue to watch what I eat and work out. Promise!

We will be coming to America from October 14-July 16, 2012 for furlough. We have visits through March of 2012 right now. If you are a pastor of a church and would like us to come to your church email Justin estoniamissions@yahoo.com.

We love and miss all of you!! Thank you for your prayers and support!!

Summer Time!!

Gifts!! Braedens 6th birthday party.

More gifts!!

Lining up to play pin the bat on Batman

Braeden's cake

Well I guess it has been a little while since I have been on here. Time went by too fast these past weeks!! In June we had two birthdays. I turned 30 (it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be ;0) Braeden turned six at the end of June as well. We had a small party for him at our house where some of our friends came with their kids to celebrate Braeden with us. They had a lot of fun. We are truly blessed. I cannot believe our little boy is six now!! He has grown so much over these past few years and he has such a warm loving heart.

We finished up the kids school so Kayla finished third grade and Braeden finished kindergarten. We are trying to decide if we should change programs next year because the one we used last year was hard to tell if they really comprehended everything or not. It was a literature based program that did not have any tests except in math. Prior to this program we used a totally workbook based program and it was a little dull so that's why we switched to this one. Please pray we can find the right program for our kids so that they can learn well and be happy.

I started my last two classes this week!! Eight weeks until I graduate!! I cannot believe I am almost done but I am ready to be done at the same time. Justin will still have until mid October before he is done but will get his first Masters degree at the end of this session. He is continuing on for his Masters of Divinity. I am very proud of all of the hard work he has put in.

Next week we will be traveling to one of the islands here in Estonia for Justin to teach evangelism training to a youth camp they are holding there. We try to emphasize the need for friendship evangelism here in which believers are encouraged to reach out through their network of friends and family to share their faith. Please pray for the camp and that God's will will be done with the training and hearts would be changed here. Justin still continues to meet in discipleship training sessions with other believers here as well.

For the next few months we are also helping some friends of ours with their church while they are in the states. Justin preached there this past Sunday and will continue to do so every first Sunday through the time we leave for the states ourselves in October.

Three more months till we are home for furlough!! Can you tell I am excited ;0) We are still working on our schedule. We have appointments till March so far. We will be home October 14, 2011-July 16, 2012. We will be taking appointments from November, 2011-June, 2012. If you would like us to come to your church please email Justin at estoniamissions@yahoo.com

I have lost five more pounds since the last time I reported in. I have to say though that some of that could have been from me being sick so it may come back. As of right now I am at 162 pounds. I am within 13 pounds of my goal weight!!! I recently bought a new bathing suit and even though I am not smoking in it ;0) I do like how the new me looks better than the old me!! Justin is also within about 10 pounds of his goal weight as well. He looks great too!!

Thank you for all of your prayers and support. We love and miss each of you!! If you have the time write a little note. We would love to hear from you!!

Grace

Playing outside at Kids club

Playing a game at kids club

Waiting for a turn

Kayla and Braeden

another half way photo (the last I promise ;0)

The pants I wore a year ago

Miss Ellie

The straw whistle Braeden made with me in school

Well we are all moved now! We received the keys to our new place to live on May 2 and we were moved in completely by the 7th of May! God was very gracious to us during this move. He really provided for us in every way including people to help us move the big items on the last day. It really was in our best interest to move because shortly after we moved we found out that the house we were living in did in fact sell. So we would have had to move anyways.

We are very grateful that God provided us this new home to live in. The new house is perfect for our family. Also the neighbors right next to us have a little girl about Kayla's age and a son around Ellie's age that the kids have already befriended. That made me so happy to see God already provide a friend for Kayla and Braeden. They had friends in the other neighborhood we lived in so this was a prayer of mine for our new home too.

God has been showing me how even though we may go through times that may be unsettling that He will always show me grace through these times as well. We serve an awesome God that loves us that much! I am just in awe of how much I really do not deserve but God gives freely anyways!

I hope that each of you had a wonderful Mother's day. My family was very nice to me and spoiled me all day!! We were very tired after moving all week but Justin still got up and made me breakfast. The kids drew pictures of me and made me pots to go in the kitchen. We did these as our crafts at kid's club the day before. We went to the Mother's Day service at the Hope church here that evening and it was wonderful to see all of the kids present their mothers with gifts they had made and show their love. That night we went out to dinner as well!! Really I am not deserving of so much love but I truly was spoiled!!! I would have been happy just hugging and loving on my family all day. I am really blessed to have them in my life!

We have about six more weeks of school left. We had a late start this year so we plan to finish at the end of June. The kids have learned so much this year. Kayla is learning to write papers and continuing to practice cursive writing. Braeden is learning to read small words and practicing his writing as well. Elaina is growing and repeating everything she hears. she likes to sing and can hold a tune pretty well.

I am in two of my final four classes until I graduate. I plan to be done by the end of August. So far I have all A's!! Justin will finish his degree in October before we go home on furlough. He has been working so hard and has done well.

I am officially in the 160's!!! I have lost a total of 32 pounds so far and right now I weigh 167. I need to lose another 18 pounds to be at a healthy weight for my height and build. I would like to weigh 6 pound less than that but we will see. I am listening more to my body when it comes to exercise and what I can do at this point. I was getting exhausted by continuing at the level I was for so long. Now I do what I feel I can and push just a little further. I still workout about 45 minutes per day five times a week though.

Please continue to pray for us as we enter into the Summer time here in Estonia. Pray that hearts will be softened and changed through the many camps and events that will be held this Summer by the churches here. Pray for us to be willing to continue to seek God and His will every day we are here. We love you and miss you all! Thank you for all of your support.